space battles

Cat proves existence of 9/11 conspiracy

space battles

I`m not the sort of person who would routinely abuse or mock conspiracy theorists and their ideas. OK, as my reader in Halifax has probably just pointed out, that’s not strictly speaking true. Its not true in as much as it is an utter fabrication, i do quite often mock the ideas of conspiracy theorists and by default the theorists themselves. OK, its a fair cop, i take the piss a lot, but its not my fault, they are so intolerably stupid that they make me do it, so really its their own fault. See picture above for evidence, Space Battles+NASA+invented thunderstorms+Conspiracy Theorist= House for the mentally disadvantaged.

To be fair usually i do it rather unsubtly in the guise of Daily Fail journalist Hugh Janus. But a recent trawl through some conspiracy claims has caused me to stick my own head out of the trenches. Some of the claims are so randomly stupid that they can only be made by people who are what i would term, professionally stupid. That is to say that, if they were as stupid as their claims and reasoning’s,  i fail to see how it would be possible for them to perform basic human functions like putting food in their mouths with a fork without maiming themselves an possibly most of western civilization with it.

There will follow a few examples of such incessant, incredulity inducing moronity that my reader in Halifax will be left astounded that there isn’t a compulsory sterilization or euthanasia law in some parts of the USA. Sorry did i say USA i meant the rest of the world, though in my defence many of the people who are conspiracy theorists tend to be American Alex Jones fans who are prime examples of why siblings should be given separate bedrooms during puberty. And yes you did read the headline correct, apparently a cat on YouTube has proved that the planes that hit the Twin Towers were CGI fakes


The claim here is that because a cat doesn’t penetrate and explode when it runs into a wall it proves via physics (or should that be fizzix) that the 9/11 planes were indeed fakes. That is a startling and incredible claim but probably not in the way that the author intended. One can only assume that the planes were CGI and timed explosives went off the very second they “hit” the building on screen just to fool the watching TV audience, though how the audience at ground zero who saw the planes can be accounted for i guess we’ll never know.


Yes you read that correctly, 80 million (THATS MILLION) miles per hour that has apparently been referenced in Revelations of all places. How much fuel would that require, why aren’t we crossing the universe on day trips and what about the sonic boom moment surely we would all hear that and those that live next door to the pilots would know something was up with their neighbour even if nobody else did, surely to goodness.

anti grav

Yep, those pesky ancient Egyptians “only” had batteries and ANTI-GRAVITY. Anti-Gravity, you heard it here first folks, not just “only” Anti-Gravity but said in full on disdain mode too! why oh why if they had Anti-gravity back then are they still not rulers of the world now. How did the Russians crash at Roswell, wasn’t there enough land in the USSR to do their own tests over rather than risk crashing into their greatest rivals territory and handing them free technology.

moon chemtrails

The moon is sucking up chemtrails, wouldn’t that be a good thing for all the chemtrail conspiracy theorists as none of them live there unless of course they are planning a fake moon landing in the near future. Besides when you can’t even get a guy with an anonymous mask to agree with you, your theory is outlandish at best or in reality the author might just be clinically dangerous.

plato atlantis

Is it? Now i`m not a religious kind of guy, when i say not a religious kind of guy, what  i mean is atheist. To be fair my grasp of The Bible is probably a bit limited but i`m pretty certain it`s not about Plato`s Atlantis. I don’t remember a book in it called Atlantis or Plato let alone stories of genetic manipulation run by the Annunaki. To be fair is this author really a mining creature or just some ordinary guy typing made up shit onto Facebook.

In conclusion should i note the serious side that people aren’t just believing these things, but that they believe their ability to state such unverifiable claims via technology to the world somehow provides credence to the assertion? Or is it more serious a point that they may earn converts to their way of thinking? Personally i think both of those are prescient points but my main problem is if society dealt with this issue what would be left to laugh at? Where would we go to feed our superiority complex?


Sadly that’s probably the reason for reading such drivel, feeding our own vanity at the expense of what we perceive as an intellectual underclass. Perhaps people like myself need the fringe conspiracy community to exist more than they need us to read their outpourings. Ultimately i want them to remind me i`m best and allow me to mock and keep Alec A Woody at Info-Whores in a job. All the cat seems to have proved is the existence of my own arrogant vanity rather than the conspiracy`s of the dangerously idiotic authors.


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