by our gay correspondent Hugh Janus
New evidence has come to light over health concerns with relation to readership of The Daily Fail. Research has failed to show any correlation between pregnancy, sexual orientation of newborns and readership of unnecessarily reactionary right wing newspapers. One female scientist, a Nell Sechs , who was strangely absent from domestic chores just so she could perform acts of research has claimed “reading the Daily Fail whilst pregnant increases the chances of your baby being born a homosexual, a transsexual Satan worshiper or potentially even have a deformity in the form of a missing testicle”.
This view has been backed up by research in Russia by top scientist Oleg Oodyanikabolokov who has made the startling claim that “since we left the Communist form of government we have moved to a more right wing stance where internet access has allowed the population to read the Daily Fail. Since this has occurred we have had an increase in the number of gay transsexual Satan worshipers shy of one testicle hence the necessity for Comrade Putin’s crack down on homosexuality”
There are also long term concerns over prolonged exposure to the “newspaper” as it can lead to financial and middle class aspirations amongst its readership that will lead parents to send children to schools where fagging is still encouraged for the new boys. Hugh G. Rection of an unnamed public school in the Thames Valley said “If it wasn’t for irresponsible parents in the area reading the Daily Fail whist pregnant we wouldn’t have had all those floods. Hopefully for the sake of the local population we can use our new found lack of knowledge to cure people of their gayness”
Our editor, Adolf Goebbels, had this to say about the potential threat to his circulation figures amongst house cleaners of child bearing age, now we know the potential dangers of reading right wing papers whilst great with child.”This article may be backed by a serious scientific journal such as Brantington Primary School news letter but we are still questioning its veracity. This may just be a cynical attempt by our rivals to mock our political position. Well i can tell you the Fail is not for turning. We will not become some commie socialist rag mag pandering to those left wingers at UKIP.”
Alec A Woody at Info-Whores has already claimed the ability of the Daily Fail to create gay babies by reading whilst pregnant as a false flag operation by current New World Order leader President Obamacare.
The health correspondent was also unavailable to comment owing to his presence at the recent T4 euthanasia conference at our party office. Sorry i meant to say papers head office.