A Man for All Seasons: Waiting for the Waters to Break

carl vs  scream

I’ve always considered myself a man who can deal with most things thrown at him and still take it in his stride, a man for all seasons. However, nothing prepares a man for the moments whilst you await your partners waters to break. The mixture of tense, anticipatory excitement mingled with the knowledge that you will succumb to an impotent helplessness during the labour is an eclectic kaleidoscope of emotional turmoil. Certainly far more than i can deal with that’s for sure, just ask whats left of my nails.

In recent years i have suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous/unbelievable/ ludicrous/incredible/heart attack inducing (delete where or if applicable) misfortune. My list of traumas have included anything from self inflicted misery to textbook farce. In no particular order they have included:-

1) Mineworks under the house meaning i couldnt sell and was still living in the same house as my ex-wife for 18 months

2) Divorce

3) My son nearly taking his eye out on a cabinet

4) My son evacuating the co-op by messing with the fire alarms

5) My son getting hold of my ex-wifes medication whilst i was looking after him, this necessitated a night at the hospital and an investigation from social services

6) Two sectionings amongst other associated issues for my then wife

7) Demotion, loss of full time hours, pay cut and loss of final salary pension in work as a reward for my 10 years service

8) Driving my car into a shed on the m5 at 70ish miles an hour, it was flatpacked and at night so i couldn’t see it before any of you have that Dukes of Hazard meets the Blues Brothers type of image of me driving into a fully erected shed.

9) Final exams for my Open University

10) A lovely letter from the CSA explaining that they felt i had far too much money available for personal and familial sustenance and that they intended to rectify that issue ASAP.

11) This letter meant the thousands i had spent on my degree was pointless as i couldn’t use it for financial gain without being penalised by those lovely ladies at the CSA

12) Bankruptcy and house repossession

13) Bereavements

14) Dad in hospital

15)  I`ve even had a caution for a defective tail light (yep thats right sat in the back of the police car being told i had a right to remain silent over burst bulb) and a parking ticket in St Ives from someone i know

16) Moved 3 times in the last 18 months

17) The week I moved into my partners house her nan sadly passed away as did the dog

18) My ex taking my son to a place 200 miles away from where i lived

19) Auntie had a stroke, lost a leg

20) House got broken into, ex told the police it was me despite the fact i could prove i was in work, they did eventually drop the charges

These are just the things i can remember, the majority of the time that all this was going on i held down a full time job, did an open university degree, lived 200 miles away from family and had a long distance relationship to contend with.

I was on a bridge one day and did think things were getting too much so i decided to ring the Samaritans; i told them all my problems and they jumped! Its a good job i`m not inherently and intensely paranoid or i`d have a complex and a half

But things are looking up, i have the love and support of the ever patient and (given the luck that surrounds me) probably very nervous Bex and my Parents. So i see myself as a man for all seasons, a man who can take on whatever life throws at me and deal with it. Cool, calm and collected, always in control, the sort of person you want in a crisis.

Then again, my partners waters haven’t broken yet …………….

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